I am writing this as I sit in quarantine having just moved to a city and country I do not yet know. The unpacked boxes and suitcases from a house that needs my attention lie all around me and for once my kitchen has no dishes tumbling out of the sink because we’ve eaten take out for 5 days straight. I am writing this having plugged each of my preschool kids into a screen, simply so I could have some quiet to work. Some time that wasn’t filled with endless requests for snacks or toys or having to play referee. As I type I find I’m silently humming the theme tune to Paw Patrol and I barely glance up at my 5 year old son as he comes to show me his latest LEGO creation. Distracted, I turn to look at my screen and realize I have been holding the space bar too long and have to delete the words “be there on the double” that I accidently started to type.
And then there it is. That invisible grip encircling my chest and squeezing tight, followed by the flood of “shoulds” and “musts”. I should be paying more attention to my kids; and I must get this written because of the deadline that is approaching. The working mom guilt is real… And I’m not the only one…
Most working moms, indeed, all moms, have stories to share at the GuiltFest. It’s an all too cliched problem that is bound up in so much societal truth. As working moms, we often feel that we are forever falling short. That we are not doing enough, giving enough, being enough and that we are letting our kids, our jobs, our partners and ourselves down. Then there is the guilt we feel when we dare actually take time for ourselves, or doing something we love. This constant act of juggling the multiple balls we have in the air and the mental load of running our household, managing our families, working in or out the home and feeling guilty about it all can be overwhelming and exhausting. And this is what needs to change.
Because the truth is, I’m doing the best I can and that is good enough. And we are doing pretty well considering we have turned our lives upside down, moved across 9 time zones and haven’t been able to leave the house in 13 days. My kids do eat vegetables, even if it’s not at every meal. I typically meal plan and have a good routine, and my kids typically play outside, build something and do art before they get to watch TV. We read stories every night and have family night on Fridays. So maybe it’s okay that today, they have watched 3 hours of TV and ate take out again so I could get some work done. I choose to give myself grace, and when I can’t, I have a tribe of other working moms who are only a WhatsApp away to offer support.
Mom guilt has its roots in everything from personal feelings of insecurity, to societal expectations and familial norms and pressures. And social media doesn’t help. Just taking a quick scroll through Instagram or Pinterest will leave you doubting you were ever able to measure up. Yet if we are honest with ourselves, we can often unearth that underneath these feelings of insecurity are fears of inadequacy and even a lack of self-awareness about who we are and what is truly important to us.
I have things that I rock at as a mom, and some things are just not me. And that’s okay. I love my job and I’m pretty good at it. I make time for my friends. I enjoy working in an office, having adult time away from my kids, and my new role of working from home with my kids and no external support is one that is going to be an adjustment. Knowing all of this helps me not become paralysed when the guilt does arise. This self-awareness is a starting point for leaving the mom guilt behind.
You may not be sitting in a pandemic induced quarantine, having left everything you know behind. Your kids may not be mindlessly scrolling through YouTube toy reviews and eating cereal as a snack. But I bet you have felt that mom guilt too – and that you too have struggled to juggle the tasks of a career you love and being the mom you envisioned you’d be. Because the mom guilt is real, and ever present. But it doesn’t have to be. There are things we can do, mindsets we can create and tools we can hone to help us step away from the guilt and move towards and motherhood AND career goals. And that’s what Working Moms Thrive is all about – helping you nurture your mental health, ditch the guilt and balance your expectations so you can thrive!
Won’t you join us on this journey?
Written by Robyn
Working Moms Thrive 