How do you practically do self-care as a working mom?

Self-care… just one more thing on our to-do list that seems to slip down the ranks of importance when everything else is screaming for our attention.  We know it’s essential to our mental health, we understand the benefits, but just how do we make the time? Because when going to the toilet alone is a luxury, an entire day away is often just unattainable! I’m not sure I have all the answers, or even that I get this right 100% of the time, but I wanted to share with you a bit about how I make this work practically for me, as a working mom.

Firstly, I have had to adjust my mindset as to what self-care means. It’s not the weekend away or the spa day – although those definitely have a place. I’ve come to see self-care as the small, daily decisions I make to honour my body, mind and emotions and give it what is needs.  For most moms, self-care needs to become a daily priority that typically needs to be broken into small chunks of time if possible. 

It’s about permission giving and starting to see self-care as the thing that gives me capacity to be BOTH the employee I want to be AND the mom I desire to be for my kids.  It’s also what allows me to not loose myself, my identity in the daily grind and helps me rediscover the joy in the many roles I play.  When I am neglecting my self-care I become irritable, exhausted and resentful – and everyone around me know about it.  I learnt early on in my motherhood journey with Post Natal Anxiety, that a little self-care really helped me re-centre and carry on.

Reframing what self-care looks like has meant making sure I regularly schedule my doctors check-ups and “pamper” appointments.  I make sure I get a pedicure as summer starts – there is something about painted toenails that make me feel me and ready to bear my feet!  This also means that I see keeping my hair appointment every 3 months as self-care.  For my sister, self-care has looked like making sure she fits in her monthly nail appointments.  What makes you feel fabulous and cared for?  How can you make sure these things are budgeted for, scheduled and

What does this practically look like?  Here are some ideas to try of how to get 5-15 minutes in your day to do something for you…

• Make time for a cup of tea in the cool of the morning or as sunsets, and hold it with both hands.  This is often something I try to do on my own, but even with my kids around (often drinking their own cup of tea) I find this ability to connect with nature really helps me get going with the right frame of mind.
• Set your kids up with an activity and walking away for 5-15 minutes – rest or read 3 pages of your book.  Send those text messages, scroll through social media, listen to a song, finish that cup of tea in silence.  Fostering independent play in my kids has been really helpful in allowing me time to do laundry, clean, cook, work AND to do something for me.
• If your kids are younger and haven’t started walking, use headphones or ear buds while you walk your kids to the park in a pram, put them in the swing where they are stationary and tune out while you push them.
• If your kids are older, take them to the park and get them to have races between two points (run, bike, scooter) and say you’ll time them from a distance.  This should give you a few moments on your own.
• Use TV time at home with your kids to relax and read.  I put each kid in headphones so I have some silence.
• Set regular breaks for yourself in your workday – work for 25 minutes, give yourself a 5 minute break. Get up, stretch, walk around, make yourself a snack or something to drink.
• Get kids to help tidy up toys, take dishes to sink and while they are eating, wash the dishes or load dishwasher.  Try not to use all your down time tidying up.
• Decide what can be let go of, or not done.  Does that load of washing have to be done today, or can you put it off til tomorrow.  Does that project need to be done this month, or can it be pushed out a while? Can you lower your standards and let that one thing slide? Or be delayed so you have some down time?  Not easy questions for a perfectionist like me, but regularly pruning my to-do list and moving things out has really helped me make time to rest.
• Talk to your partner about distribution of domestic duties.  So many of us pull double duty working all day and then doing the majority of the household chores at night.  If you have a partner, it’s definitely worth opening up a discussion about how to divide these up.  This is so important in letting go of the exhaustion and often the resentment that builds up.  My husband and I regularly talk about how we can divide things up depending on the season we are in.  When I’m home more, I try to do more, but when I’m working more, we renegotiate.  It’s been helpful for my husband to know that I expect him to pack and unpack the dishwasher and take care of the recycling.  I don’t then feel like I have to do it and can take that time to have a break instead.
• Find time saving meal strategies wherever possible. Again, this often looks different depending on the season we’re in.  I have at times used meal kit services to cut out the time I spend meal planning and shopping and at very busy periods or when we have a baby in the house, I rely a lot on homecooked meal delivery services (my son thought supper was always delivered by “superman” until he was about 4!) Use prechopped veggies to shorten your cooking time etc.  Sometimes these things aren’t in the budget and then it can be helpful to think about freezer meals or month-long meal planning.  Both of these strategies reduce your daily thinking tasks and can be helpful in just giving you a moment to rest.  Can you arrange for someone to look after the kids for a Saturday morning so you can cook a bunch of meals and freeze them?  Can you cook double quantities one week so you have meals for the next?  Can you find 2 hours on a Sunday afternoon to prep a lot of things so you have more time during the week?  You need to find what is going to work best for your family but all of these are things I’ve done at different seasons to help me feel more in control of my time and able to breathe when I need to.

All of this really comes down to figuring out ways to schedule in some time to yourself that is manageable and doable in your daily routine.  And that is going to look different for everyone.  And look different depending on what is going on in your life.  Your self-care journey will have seasons.  It’s not about all or nothing. I hope this offers you some ideas of how to make this work in your own life – and to offer some grace to ourselves when we can’t quite get it right.