It’s a Sunday afternoon and I am already thinking of how crazy my week is looking…I have two big workshops, a proposal due, I need to help my 6 year old son with his dinosaur oral, my 4 year is starting to get sick and I definitely need to get ahead of his cold, plus food prep for the week, visiting grandparents, buying a birthday gift and the list goes on.
Stress is real, exhaustion is real and yet I need to show up for my family, my team and most importantly myself. Now you add on anxiety around Covid-19 (should you send your kids to school or not, should you be going to that get together?), financial stress, unscheduled homework, tantrums, extended family drama and a friend who needs support, it all becomes so overwhelming.
The thing is I really love my job and I love being a mom. Last year, I was so close to burnout trying to get everything right and perfect-my health was declining and it was a big wakeup call that I needed to deal with the stress and not just move it along, hoping it would just fade away. The truth is that you cannot stop the stress BUT you can learn how to cope with it, how to reduce anxiety and depression that can come along with it; and know when to get some professional help when the coping mechanisms are not relieving you of any of the anxiety you are feeling.
Over the years I know when my anxiety peaks when I start feeling overwhelmed, when I feel like I can’t get things done or concentrate on one task, when my body is run down & I start getting sick. These are the first signs. The worst part is when I am not dealing with my stress correctly, it is those closest to me that I snap at, get moody with and receive my bad side. I have found tools that have helped me to keep calm in the crazy moments, pause when I need it and essentially training myself to reset during the day when I start feeling tense, short tempered and irritable.
I have learnt great tools to reduce stress and cope with life’s unpredictability, though at times it is incredibly hard BUT by being consistent and practicing daily I have seen a great change in my mood, my ability to reduce stress, improvements in my relationships and work productivity.
Here are some ideas to reduce stress and anxiety that I have found really helpful (and also based on some research):
- Deep breathing: as I feel my shoulders tense, my breathing getting shorter when I see my to-do list is getting longer & longer, I now walk away from my workspace and put the kettle on and practice deep breathing. I breathe deeply through my nose and out my mouth; and let my thoughts wander. There are also great apps that you can download to practice breathing during stressful moments or just before you go to bed.
- Movement: stress, anxiety & depression are deep set feelings that we hold within our body; and we need to work it out. Moderate exercise is a great way of your body producing endorphins which is a natural mood stabilizer. The best thing about exercise is that you can include your kids (it’s a great way of getting energy our, dealing with meltdowns & resetting mood within the house) and have fun with your family. Go walk the dog, run and play at the park, do you yoga and stretching. Find an exercise regimen that works for you.
- Adapt & re-prioritize: sometimes working on that proposal for work needs to wait because your kid needs you right now. The great thing about plans is that they need to be flexible and we need to learn to adapt. Another part of prioritizing is learning to say no. This is not easy (particularly for those who like to please) but it is important that we can learn to say no to commitments (do you have to go to every kid’s birthday party?)
- Ask for help: Look at your support structure and identify who is that you trust who help you with the kids, household chores or meals. I am forever grateful to our parents who play an important part in our kids’ lives as well as our domestic worker who keeps my house clean. I know I cannot do everything and it is important. Part of asking for help is also delegating at work, do you need to do everything can someone on your team take some pressure off of you?
- Adjust your standards & expectations: This is a big one for me! I needed to reflect why do I have certain standards and expectations and where they were coming from. When setting expectations, it’s important that you’re mindful of your energy level, prior commitments and emotional state. One way to put this into practice is to write down your goals and reassess them each week to see if they are working or if they need to be tweaked.
- Build in “me time”: Self-care is so important. We have spent the last month talking about it but really there are so many ways that you can fit it in.
- Trim the budget: Financial stress is big particularly school fees, paying off a bond, food and petrol prices increasing every month and making sure everyone gets what they need. Having a plan to ease your financial stress is vitally important. Ask tough questions- do you need to have takeout? Do you need that cup of coffee? Being honest about what can you cut out, and determining what is a need versus what is a want is a great way of reducing debt & unnecessary purchases.
Being a working mom is exhausting and now more than-ever are we under much more stress than ever before. By making some changes and tweaks in your daily life, practicing these skills consistently you can not only survive as a working mom, you can thrive, and flourish.
Written by Danielle Moosajie
Working Moms Thrive 