Being a working mom is hard enough without all the other judgment and guilt – from others and ourselves. But like a lot of things with parenting, it’s not the actual time and effort that we put into integrating the different parts of our lives that is so hard; it’s the almost constant barrage of stereotypes and misconceptions we have to face as working moms. And these are dangerous – as they are part of the societal structures that hold women back.
So let’s talk a little about a few of the myths we encounter as working moms and how to overcome them…
- A working mom cannot dedicate much time to her family.
This myth hurts because it hits at the core of our often strongly held guilt about working and mothering. And yet, it just isn’t true. Working moms may not be there as much as others in quantity, but it’s well documented that we prioritize quality time with our families. We know the importance of being present when we are with our kids and we work on switching off to make this happen. If guilt and shame is something you struggle with, you might be interested in our free 5-day email course about working through our guilt and shame as working moms.
2. Working moms are not reliable.
This fallacy is often the root cause of why some employers are reluctant to take on working moms. There is the assumption that she is going to be late, distracted and unproductive a lot of the time, and probably need lots of time off. And yet, unreliability is NOT a characteristic I see in many working moms. The constant need to juggle various schedules, calendars, and priorities means working moms are experts at reliably getting the job done. And yes, we may need more flexibility (kids get sick, cars break down and people need us) but that doesn’t mean our performance is affected. In fact, research shows that flexible work places actually have increased levels of productivity and efficiency from it’s workers. This might be one you have to tackle head on, when you see it. Speak up about your needs, but also about your skills and your well-honed abilities in taking care of literally everything.
3. Mothers work in order to avoid housework.
This is just a ridiculous assertion! Housework needs to be done regardless of whether you work or not; and most working moms continue to carry the double shift of having to work all day and then run the household once home. Even those working moms who have help in the home while they work are often still responsible for the daily organizing and running of the household, shopping, washing and cooking. Don’t even waste your time trying to justify this one – every mom knows just how hard you work!
4. Working moms ridicule stay at home moms.
Ever wonder why the world is so intent on pitting moms against moms? This myth feeds right into that societal stereotype. And yes, the world of parenting is certainly filled with it’s fair share of judgment, on all sorts of topics, but really underneath it all is our fear that we are failing and that by choosing something other than what I’ve chosen it somehow says I’m wrong. Parenting is hard, whether we work or whether we stay at home. We are all just trying to do the best we can for ourselves and our families. Some of us choose to work, others to stay at home. Some of us work and wish we could be at home and others are at home and wish we could be at work. And whether we are a working mom or a stay at home mom, we all love our kids, are doing our best and have good days and bad days. So let’s just offer up the support we all need to each other, instead of trying to pit ourselves against each other.
5. Working moms are miserable.
If you’ve been following us on Instagram, you know that this is not true. Research has shown that working moms are typically happier than those of us who stay home. And the reasons for this are many. The opportunities afforded to working moms to use their strengths and skills, develop their interests and social circles and provide for their families can often be seen as fulfilling and meaningful. And if working moms are unhappy, perhaps its got to do more with a society that doesn’t see their uniqueness, value their contributions and help them balance all the parts of their lives.
Because balancing the roles we play (or integrating them into a fulfilling life) is hard work. There are ups and downs. But that job doesn’t need to be made harder because of the judgement of those around us and our culture at large. It’s high time we stop pitting moms against each other and just offer support. We need to value the contribution working moms are making at home and at the office. We need to value ourselves. After all, moms (working and stay at home) are raising the next generation. Shouldn’t we be doing everything we can to ensure we have all we need to do this well?
If you’d like some ideas about how to build self-care into your busy life so that you can tackle these myths head on, sign up here to get our free self-care guide.
Written by Robyn Jacobs
Working Moms Thrive 